airwavesonsunday

I thrusted the bottle I was holding into Jesse's chest.

"What??" I let slip out of my mouth, in shock.

Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam... His name kept pounding back and forth in my head. It was like someone had just punched me sqaure in the face and continued with the act again, and again, and again..

Adam Lazzara was the last name I ever wanted to hear, yet the only name I could bare to hear all in the same instant.

When I was 15, my dad got a new job, forcing my family to move to New York to accomodate. It certainly wasn't easy by any means. I left every single one of my good friends to go to a place I had never been to, where I would have but one friend for a year. Jesse. The year I turned 16 was the year this all started.

Jesse and I had been dating for roughly nine months when I first met Adam. He was great. Him, Jesse, and I would get into cool little music conversations-debates even-about who was the better punk band, who had sold out, etc. We talked about everything. Music, obviously, ridiculous things our other friends said, how if I ever lost a bet with Jesse I had to get "Brand New" tattooed, how much I loved teasing Jesse over being in love with The Smiths, Adam's obsession with Ari Katz..

Adam and I had our first kiss on the wooden floor of his bedroom. We had been having one of our musically heated debates.

"Fugazi all the way," I had said.

"Yeah, they're one of my favorites. But nothing beats Lifetime. Nothing."

I loved how we were comparing two totally different bands from two different decades.

"Oh? Is that so?"

"There is one thing.."

As soon as his lips had touched mine, I almost felt releaved. I had developed quite the crush on him over the past month. I was glad the feeling was mutual, but I felt extremely unfaithful to Jesse. Not that we were that serious, at least I thought.

The following weeks were very awkward between the two of us. Every time we saw each other, one of us would get caught staring at the other and we would both look away in embarassment, and then smile. If Jesse happened to be around at the time, he would always ask us what our problem was. We never answered him, but acted as if nothing had happened.

After a month and a half of this, I couldn't take it any longer. I broke it off with Jesse. I remember this night so vividly because as soon as I had broken up with him, I met Adam behind the bleachers at school. We kept our relationship a good secret until Jesse ran into us on his way back from work and saw us holding hands. Very shortly after this, Jesse officialy formed Brand New, while Adam had been working with Taking Back Sunday for a year or so. Both bands were incredible to watch and I was so proud of both of them. By the time we were graduated, both were touring together.

Adam and I remained together and Jesse remained our friend. Adam had been so sweet to me those past few years. We rarely did anything apart from each other. Now after four years of dating, both of us just having turned 20, things were starting to get serious between him and I. A soft kiss from Adam at this point almost meant, "I love you," though neither of us ever said it. I wasn't sure that either of us actually even knew if we felt that strongly for each other.

When I was 18, I found God. I began going to youth group and became heavily involved with my church. 18 was also the age that Adam had discovered marijuana. I had learned from Jesse and was very upset about it for awhile before I said anything. The only thing, at the time, I knew I could do was to convince Adam to go to youth group with me. Everything seemed to be fine after this, until one night. One horrible night.

It was right before the show. Everything was normal, but it would only be a matter of seconds before things went array.

John Nolan came barging out of the green room, Jesse next to him, who looked really upset. John just looked utterly furious.

"Where is he? Where is that-" He groaned as he seemed to hear who he was looking for.

Adam came stumbling across the room. He looked really bad. When he saw Jesse, he laughed.

"How could you? First the one I lo-.. You steal Jordan away from me and now this? ..I hate you." Jesse screamed. He started to run towards Adam, but John held him back.

John, without hesitation, ran up to Adam and punched him three good times.

"John! What are you doing?!" I yelled.

"Putting him in his place."

Just as he was about to swing again as Adam lay on the ground, I pulled John's arm back and shoved him off of Adam. Adam's face looked absolutely terrible. Blood covered his nose and dripped onto his teeth. As I bent down to notice this, Adam pulled me to his face and forced his lips against mine. I could taste his blood on my lips and I nearly got sick.

"You taste like sugar," was all he said.

I pushed against his chest to free myself from his kiss. I knew Adam was messed up beyond belief. This couldn't have just been pot, or he had smoked a lot of it.

I pulled him up and he staggered. "What have you done, Adam?"

"He slept with my sister! And then proceeded to have sex with her again just a few hours ago, on Jesse's bed!" I heard John very angrily yell.

I took a few steps back. This one hurt everyone. John's sister, Michelle, had been dating Jesse for the past two years. They were doing quite well, too.

"Adam.. I-I-i-... is this true? I managed to ask.

"Yep," he said as he made weird shapes with his hands.

I began to cry. Sobbing, I said, "Why? How could you do something like that to me..us?"

"Bree Ann, you simply don't put out my dear," he replied as he came close to me, smirking. I had no clue why he was referring to me as "Bree Ann." I don't think I had ever been angrier in my life. I then punched him in the face, where he very quickly fell down. He began to laugh hysterically.

"Adam Lazzara, I never want to see you again." I left, as did John. That night the show was cancelled.

That was the last night I saw Adam Lazzara.

Shortly after, Brand New released Your Favorite Weapon, with Tell All Your Friends coming out a few months later. I would only imagine that most of the songs on YFW are directed towards me.

Do you still consider me? Consider me, the boy you laughed with or you learned to live without.
And I'm sick of your tatooes, and they way you always criticize The Smiths. And Morrisey. And I know that you're a sucker for anything acoustic.

("Seventy Times 7" can only be about that horrible night. Every time Jesse sings it, I want to die.)

I never payed much attention to anything on TAYF, just because I couldn't bare to have to listen to Adam's voice.

Two years ago, Jesse and I finally got over our differences and eventually became a couple again.

I hadn't spoken to Adam in seven years. I had to go on tour with Jesse-it never failed that when he was on tour, at least once, he would have a huge asthma attack that only I knew how to help him out of. I couldn't stay back, even I absolutely wanted to. Everything just made so much more sense, financially, when I went with him. I also dealt with all of their merch. I didn't have the slightest clue what I was going to do.

*Ari Katz is the lead singer of Lifetime.
Obviously, none of the "horrible night" part is in any way factual. Just making sure I clear that up.
Thanks for your eyes, for reading this I mean. :)