airwavesonsunday

The way I so cleverly titled my little story... You can't have an ending without a beginning, just like you can't have an effect without a cause. This one's about a boy...

"Oh yeah, that'll be fine."

I had just gotten off the phone with my boss, more properly known as the principal. You see, my work was primarily centered around a high school setting. I wasn't exactly a teacher-I was more of an instructor. The class was somewhat of an extra cirricular one. Students had to sign up and be willing to stay after school to participate. I "instructed" after the school hours, which was wonderful. I got to work on my music during the hours I wasn't at work. Recently, I had been sitting in front of my piano, nearly incappable of composing anything. I had a void in my mind I needed to fill...it just wasn't happening.

Going to work each day was not something I dreaded. In fact, it was the complete opposite. I had the pleasure of knowing that I was filling a few kids' minds full of the jazz greats. Count Basie. Ella Fitzgerald. You name it, they heard and learned about it. Music was, and remains, my passion. But let's not forget my boyfriend at the time. I was pretty passionate about him, too.

Jesse was an amazing guy. He did everything he could for me. We connected, easily, on our love for music, him being in a band and all.

We had been dating for almost two years. To say that we got to that point slowly would be absolutely wrong. We had dated several years ago, but boy, was that a big mess... There are few things I'll never be proud of, but our relationship, and even the first time, was only held up, I believe, merely out of determination. A sheer dedication that neither of us had any right to give and receive from each other. Rushing.. that's how this whole thing had gone from the get-go. But once you get there...you kind of get there. Our relationship wasn't holding entirely steady. However, I didn't want to leave him. I couldn't leave him. Like I said, I was passionate about him...really passionate about him...in the beginning of this whole mess.

After hanging up the phone, I walked around the house a bit. Jesse and I lived together in his small home. It wasn't too tiny, nor too large. It was just the right size. As I casually walked throughout our homey place of residence, I finally decided upon the bench of the piano, hoping something could come out of me. After a few minutes of achieving nothing, I went to the bedrooom and layed down.

I reached over to the bedside table and grabbed what looked like some of Jesse's lyrics. I had always admired the delicate way in which he put his words together. There was always a certain heartfelt feeling to them. But these lyrics.. they began to put me somewhere else.

Ever since I was young your word is the word that always won.
Worry and wake the ones you love.
A phone call I'd rather not receive.
Please use my body while I sleep.
My lungs are fresh and yours to keep,
Kept clean and they will let you breathe.

Is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
I am the watch you always wear but you forget to wind.

Nobody plans to be half a world away at times like these,
so I sat alone and waited out the night.
The best part of what has happened was the part I must have missed.
So I'm asking you to shine it on and stick around.
I'm not writing my goodbyes.

I submit no excuse.
If this is what I have to do I owe you every day I wake.
If I could I would shrink myself and sink through your skin to your blood cells
and remove whatever makes you hurt but I am too weak to be your cure.

Is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?
I am the watch you always wear but you forget to wind.

Nobody plans to be half a world away at times like these,
so I sat alone and waited out the night.
The best part of what has happened was the part I must have missed.
So I'm asking you to shine it on and stick around.
I'm not writing my goodbyes.

I'm not letting you check out.
You will beat this starting now and you will always be around.
I'm there to monitor your breathing
I will watch you while you're sleeping.
I will keep you safe and sound.
Does anybody remember back when you were very young.
Did you ever think that you would be this blessed?

Nobody plans to be half a world away at times like these,
so I sat alone and waited out the night.
The best part of what has happened was the part I must have missed.
So I'm asking you to shine it on and stick around.
I'm not writing my goodbyes.

Something about them made me feel sympathetic, but at the same time worried.
I quickly brushed this feeling off, just wishing Jesse would get home soon. I really had no clue when he would be back, but I was anxious. He always made my day better, even if we weren't at the best of times.

Within the next half hour, Jesse came home. He seemed especially unhappy. He soon found me and sat down next to me. I put his papers down and smiled, him smiling back. He turned his body and crawled on top of me, his knees at my hips. He pushed his forehead against mine and lightly kissed my lips. I was a little confused by this movement. He had just come home, seemingly angry, and now we were here? This is kind of how Jesse was, though. Every time he got mad, he would just want to makeout. I never understood it. Any other time he was feeling any type of emotion, he would just sit in front of the TV and write. It was only when he was extremely angry that he had wanted to be this close to me. He was such a sensitive guy, but I never intentionally toyed with him. Instead, I simply made way for sympathy and hoped for the best.

"Well hello..." I said.

He smiled, but this smiled immedietly evaporated once he realized what I had just gotten done reading.

"What were you just reading?"

"Oh, some of your lyrics, I would assume. They were just laying out and you know how much I love your lyrics."

"You read all of it?"

"Yeah. What's the big fuss? They were great. A little different than your others, but nonetheless great."

"Jordan, you shouldn't have read those." This was a little weird.

"Why?"

"I just don't think you should have read them, that's all." He moved something obviously bothering his eyebrow and sat up, looking frustrated as ever.

He messed around with his fingers for awhile, sighed heavily, and walked into the kitchen, where he grabbed two beers. Coming back towards me, he handed one to me and sat back down on the bed.

"Haha, Jesse, you know I don't drink."

"Trust me. You're gonna wanna start," he said, angrily laughing. This statement scared me, even coming from Jesse.

"Why do you say that?"

He paused a moment and sighed once more, before taking a drink.

"I want to gouge my eyes out right now, Jordan." Now he was really starting to worry me.

"What? What's going on?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Whatever this is, you can tell me. If you're in some kind of trouble, I'll help you out." I paused. "If you're having some kind of emotional issue, I'll be here for you."

"No, no.. it has nothing to do-" He cut himself off.

"Well.. not like-" He trailed off. He waited a second before speaking again, and took another drink.

"Jordan.. I'm touring with Taking Back Sunday," he said, as if it hurt too much to say. And I know it did. It hurt too much to even hear.

"I'm touring with Adam."

*I'm oh so thankful to anyone and everyone who actually reads this. I hope I have the grand pleasure of reading yours!
Lyrics taken from "Guernica" by Brand New.